Would you be totally transparent financially with your spouse if your spouse and in-laws are spenders? - Seedly
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Anonymous

Asked on 29 Aug 2019

Would you be totally transparent financially with your spouse if your spouse and in-laws are spenders?

The question above, my spouse and in-Law are spenders. From my perspective, they do not have much savings/retirement plan. My spouse is the only child. The responsibility in the future eventually heavily lies on me.

I'm a saver and have an above-average income, while I save and invest my money and I have plans and goals to retire early. Being fully transparent w spouse makes me uncomfortable.

This is not right but do try to be in my shoe to understand me.

How would you advise in my situation?

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I would not be totally transparent financially with my spouse. Likewise, my spouse should not be totally transparent financially with me. We should have joint accounts to pay for daily expenses but we should also have separate accounts to pay for our own individual expenses. Hence, for separate accounts, there is no need to be transparent. We should trust each other that we will not overspend on our indulgences.

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JW
jiajing wang
Level 5. Genius
Answered on 30 Aug 2019

Communication is the key and I am having almost the same situation as you as I started to invest in StashAway and RSP etc.. Also planning on SSB to hit the investment criteria on my DBS multiplier.

My SO is a not a spender but impulsive shopper who likes retail therapy to relieve stress... As she has seen all my amounts in the investments and saving accounts, I would say it is a bad move. As a saver, anyone who wants to spend our monies will discomfort us.

Advise to you is to show her only what you want to show. She might think you are not honest to her but she would have you to Thank when you retired

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Joe Lee
Joe Lee, Adventurer at Game of Life
Level 5. Genius
Answered on 26 Feb 2020

My SO is a selective spender which also indulge in retail therapy. I have been trying to get her into investment in a bid for her to fund her buying spree for free (Dividend) rather then just outright purchase. Try to find a way that will work for you.

I feel that you have to be upfront about the financial situation and financials goals, if not it will lead to disasters down the road

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Rais M
Rais M
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 25 Feb 2020

Never hide anything from your spouse. Be open and have a good talk about it. This is the best way for both of you to understand each other in terms of financial planning and can even works towards the same goal.

On a side note, it is still very important that you also have a secret stash should anything do not turn out well. Backup plan.

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Andy Sim
Andy Sim
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 25 Feb 2020

Instead of hiding your amount of savings/finances with your spouse, why not try to communicate with him/her your plans for the future and why you want him/her to be part of it. This takes time to change their habit but I believe marriage is a work between 2 people, both of you should work towards a common goal together.

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Davin
Davin
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 25 Feb 2020

If I were u, I would probably do the same. However, u can try to talk to her or both go for counselling together. Eventually u need both to have same direction to achieve yr destination.

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Geraldo L.
Geraldo L.
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 25 Feb 2020

I would but if you are cautious about them overspending, mention the money is in a fixed deposit so that they won't be able to touch it unless for emergency purposes. But ultimately do what you feel comfortable with, it's your money :)

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Gabriel Tham
Gabriel Tham, Tag Team Member at Kenichi Tag Team
Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 29 Aug 2019

Eventually, you both have to talk about it. Money can make or break relationships. If you didn't talk about it before getting married, like spending habits, savings habits etc, then after marriage it is going to get tough to talk about it.

But better late than never. Many cases couple break because one side just cannot change their spending habit and never save for the future.

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I think it's important to have a talk together on the common goals first. Best to let each other understand. The kind of "aiya we will have enough money 1" with no calculations are the worst.

I would formulate a proper financial plan and discuss the hard numbers (which is facts) so that everyone can be on the same page.

If you really think that they will spend and spend (or even think you would save a lot of money because they do not see you spending), then I would rather not be transparent in this case, because honesty isn't the best policy in this case.

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