Asked by Anonymous
Asked on 18 Dec 2018
Well, nobody says that those who “get married” or “do well in their work” are (1) happy and (2) feel like they have “grown up“. If you think that you haven’t grown up based on whatever that standard of growing up is - but feel comfortable and happy in your own skin - then so be it. Who cares. Embrace yourself, flaunt your personality, be confident and do what floats your boat! If you are unhappy with yourself, then very likely, it has nothing to do with feeling grown up. You would be unhappy, dissatisfied and uncontented regardless. So list down what you wish to achieve in life, work on an executable plan, stay disciplined and take down your problems one at a time. You are at a great place with all the time in the world to experiment and discover yourself as long as you stop worrying and mirroring the life of others as success factors. Lastly, to address your concern that others seem to be doing better than you at your age, remember this: it’s not how you start the race, its how you finish strong!
Ah the millenial FOMO. I am a millenial myself, but the way I have dealt with such feelings is to talk to the people who are at least a decade older than me and understand their experiences.
1. Getting married. Understand that not everyone is getting married for love (no matter what they say). In Singapore especially, one of the big motivations to get married is the HDB flat, and also getting it before the joint income ceiling is reached. Don't envy them, instead talk to the folks who have been married. It might surprise you, some may really enjoy married life, and some would tell you that they wish they were single.
2. Doing well in work. 'Doing well' is subjective. Perhaps it is timely to quote Warren Buffet here, when he was asked about his definition of success:
When you're nearing your end of life, your only measure of success should be the number of "people you want to have love you actually do love you,"
That said, your friends whom you think are doing well, might be having their own stresses and not really thinking about themselves as well as you are of them. Likewise, there could be friends whom you are not hearing from currently, but they are head down doing the best work of their lives now.
Everyone has their own path. What matters is that you don't regret taking yours with the time you have.
It's normal. You are just doing a self reflection of your life and thinking about your future. I can see you are growing up.
It's only not normal if you beat yourself into depression or "early mid life crisis" thinking about it.
First, realize that life is not linear. It doesn't have the same pathway for everyone. Some find their life partners earlier, some find the wrong ones and make a correction later... And some find their life partners later in life.
Some are lucky in life to find a job they like (passion), some found high paying jobs they don't like (fancy on outside but suffering on inside), some are contented with what they found..
In short, live YOUR LIFE. Envy others, yes. learn from others, yes. Don't model your life over others and fall into the abyss trying to be others (remember what you see on FB or Instagram may not be people's true life also). What works for some may not work for you.
Action to derive the outcomes you want, and write your own life story. Cheers.
Haha! Getting married may not guarantee happy ending. Doing well now may not last forever. Continue to do your best and your time will come.
Dont worry! I'm exactly the same as you, other than the fact that I try to find contentment with whatever I do and whatever I have. In fact, sometimes I felt that I'm trying too hard to look like I'm a grown up when I'm actually still quite young. Adding that kind of pressure to yourself would only lead to more unnecessary unhappiness. What's important to be real and be yourself.
Dont compare. Instead of directing your life based on what the "social norm" is, direct your life based on your short term and long goals that you set for yourself that allows you to be happy with your life!
Be positive and take actions on areas you think you're not doing well so that it will change!
We are on the same boat, so jia you!
Top Contributor (Sep)
you need to undertsand the problems you are facing.
work out a solution with the correct expectation.
Many advices tt u should not compare urself to others, they are not exactly wrong but you yourself feels something is not correct and you knpw your situation best.
Focus on solving the problems you can resolve or situation you can improve.
Progressing is really important for self grooming.
Hope my reply can get you moving.
Stop comparing. Start living your own life. 人比人，气死人
Everybody is running their own race at their own pace. You are not fast, neither are you slow. You are right on time.
A lot of good and sincere answers here, and I hope adding this one will help somewhat.
It is true that comparing yourself with others the same age will initially make you feel sad but don't let this discourage you from responding positively. You are still only in your 20s and young, strong and still very early, if on a potentially 100-year old path.
Perhaps it's now a good time & opportunity to discover yourself, partake in some enjoyable and meaningful activities / exercise / volunteer / travel and also develop & maintain excellent relationships with a wide variety of people.
A wise man once said: "Endurance is the key to success. True resilience requires a flexibility that allows adaptation to any condition, while still remaining true to the core. Can you maintain your integrity under any circumstance?"
加油, stay strong, happy and healthy! Trust that it will all turn out well!
It’s okay to feel that way! All in your own time. Better to mature and go for what you really want rather than follow the trend.
whatever makes you feel happy~
When my friends got married and had their kids, my girlfriend and I were still hanging around, enjoying the sweet moments. Then, we married in our thirties. We have our first kid at 34. While our friends started to enjoy more without babysitting, we struggled. But there was no regret because everyone has their own fate. For marriage, you cannot force it. Just enjoy and cherish every moment you have as single.. when you're attached to someone, you will likely miss some of those days being single. Make some memories..
Top Contributor (Feb)
Everyone blooms in their own way and pace. Comparing yourself with others may not always be a good idea, as everyone have different skills and personalities. I too am a bit of a late bloomer, marrying only in my 30s and establishing a stronger foothold in my career recently. And now I'm gunning to retire early, in the next 5 years if possible. So don't compare yourself with others. Envision the kind of life you want, instead, and blaze a trail for others to follow. All the best, and God bless
"I haven't really grown up" Indeed, grow up then... by having a mind of your own. Whatever is the weather outside should not determine your mood of the day... Be proactive in your life, and not react according to how your friends live their life!
You are you. Don't conform, don't compare. Just do things at your own pace and be happy with yourself :)
Top Contributor (Jun)
Hi, we nowadays have quater life crisis ..this and that... but my dear friend, please don't panic or felt FOMO about it. Everyone is different, we're all created to be a unique masterpiece, the fast that not one single finger print is the same, tells us that we're all unique in our own way when the Creator made us.
With that in mind, put the peer pressure and FOMO aside, instead of looking out or look around what others has gone / done, look inside of you. Go around do things differently, try out different things, do a different work, take a different path, feel it with your heart, be the most honest with yourself. Sooner or later you'll find your own path. The path that wil makes you uniquely you. You just haven't found it! Keep looking, keep searching.
You may felt you haven't grown up, the true is that you may be a bit slow in finding your way, on what and where you're suppose to go. Just keep searching, keep looking inside, do things a little bit different, read up more, see more and talk to more people that is not your usual crowd. You'll find yourself and your pace one day. It will be your best at your own speed, with that only will you truly find satisfactions.
Happy self-discovery :)
Getting married and doing well in your work are two different things and can be achieved without the other. Twenties is actually very young in this new day and age, it could be quite normal during your parents generation. Now it is quite a norm and you probably hear of many who are getting married more likely in the late 30s or 40s. I know as many who are not married by the time they reach 40s and that is nothing wrong. It is your life, you drive it and dont be presurred by external labels and expectations. When you meet the right one you will know when it is time for the both of you.
Everybody has different timelines. You don't have to follow where everybody else is. It's normal to compare because from young we've been compared to our friends, neighbours, cousins, mom's friend's kid, etc etc you get the point.
There's nothing wrong about reflecting upon your life and looking at where your peers are. But are you happy where you are? Cuz thats the most important but you don't sound like you are happy.
If you want to be like others, what have you done about it? If you have tried your best alr but somehow feel that you're still "behind", understand that this comparison between you and other ppl is subjective and totally according to your point of view. For all you know, your friends are envious of your freedom and lack of commitments.
Hope this answer helps!
It is perfectly normal as I am 25 this year and 26 next year we are around of the same age.
All my close friends are happily married and almost all have children and even some on the way to get child.
I am blessed that we are still friends and we do meet occasionally and chit chat and give support to one another.
Dont worry at all, we are doing fine!
Everyone has their own path. Stay the course be true to yourself. Don't need to bother about others. Some start earlier some later. Be happy now.