Anonymous
He flat out refuses to do it, but instead wants either me to stay home, or that both of us go out to work. However I feel that having 2 kids require one of us to be home, at least for the first 3-4 years
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Rais M
25 Feb 2020
Accountant at SME
I do not mind being a stay home dad if the wife do earn alot more than me. The joy of spending time with kids is something money cannot buy.
However, if the wife do not earn that much, than it is important that both needs to work.
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Although in sum it seem to be beneficial for the family, I strongly advice against it as it will definitely strain the relationship. Gender roles still play a large role in the Singaporean family, and it too, is part of your husband's identity. He might feel emasculated if he is made to stay at home to take care of the children. If there is one thing that harms relationships, it is to make either spouse feel unappreciated is his/her main duty such that someone has to step in and do the job for him/her. I.e. my mum gets fustrated when my dad interferes with the way she lectures me when I was young.
Sounds like a rational choice on the surface, but in the long run, it might be pernicious if you husband does it unwillngly. Financially speaking, your husband will lose out on years of working experience if he suddenly stops his job to take care of the kids. Will be "paiseh" for him to explain why he has stopped work to take care of the young kids when he finds work again; Singaporeans care about "face" alot.
Communication is key. Perhaps, there could be a mutual compromise.
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Is it about money?
How much are you earning?
Is it so much more money that his entire salary can be saved each month?
Is it a running theme for men to work in the family? (Alpha male syndrome aka pride)
Is it because yours and his friends had this situation as well? And the wife stayed home while husband is worked?
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Pretty normal for SG peeps to get some form of help for their newborn - 2 yrs old kid due to work is...
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You can consider letting your grandparents take care of him or both of you can rotate aroudn taking care of the kids. It would be good to have a good talk with your husband.