My son is 30, and still staying with us. Recently he has been spending a lot more unnecessary money (eg when he doesn't like our cooking, he will order food). Should I start charging him rent instead? - Seedly

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Asked by Anonymous

Asked on 26 Nov 2018

My son is 30, and still staying with us. Recently he has been spending a lot more unnecessary money (eg when he doesn't like our cooking, he will order food). Should I start charging him rent instead?

He pays us for utilities, and gives us some money. We don't need extra money, but Just want to encourage him to live out on his own. He has a GF but they'll only get married in about 2 years time. He has a good job too

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Tiffany SQ
Tiffany SQ

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Level 3. Wonderkid
Answered on 26 Nov 2018

If charging him rent, will turn the whole family relationship sour, I reckon you should not charge him. As said, you do not need extra money. In your situation, more like you guys need more communication. Cos sometimes to you it may be uncessary money, but to him he may have a different view. Talk to him, ask him why he does not like your cooking? Or maybe in future, when you cook, you do not need to cook his share. Tell him what you think and both of you guys try to accomodate one another.

Your main intention is for him to live on his own(being independent). In another 2 more years, when he gets married, he will have to be independent and the guy that take cares of his family and finances. Real life situations will take a toll on him. You may even long that he comes home to visit you guys.

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Loh Tat Tian
Loh Tat Tian
Top Contributor

Top Contributor (Jan)

Level 6. Master
Answered on 26 Nov 2018

As you said, he is already 30. I believe he should be making his own decisions.

I would like to ask instead. When the food was cooked, was his opinion taken into account? He is no longer dependent on you, so that might be a culture shock to you instead.

If you wish to charge rent, please give. Him a heads up on it too. Nobody likes surprises. He will budget it himself.

Ask yourself if you would like to be controlled? Rather, speak with an open mind. Maybe he has some financial knowledge which he didn't share yet (because nobody asked)?)

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John Ong Zhenxi
John Ong Zhenxi

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Level 4. Prodigy
Answered on 04 Jan 2019

Why is he not giving you household income? (:

Anyway gently prod him. Guys sometimes mature when they take on responsibilities. Paying rent, being forced to budget, plan for future HDB purchase with gf, etc.

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Lee Chun Kiat
Lee Chun Kiat

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Level 2. Rookie
Updated on 07 Jun 2019

I have encoutered a similar scenario, except that the troublemaker is my brother - not helping for houseworks, play games till mid night and shouting occassionally, etc.

I send him few warnings and eventually asked him to move out - it is not a pleasant experience and I was blamed by my parents for doing so, however it turns out to be a good decision.

My relationship with my brother becomes much better now after he moved out - probably he has more freedom outside and doesn't need to bear my nag anymore...

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Loh Tat Tian
Loh Tat Tian

03 Jan 2019

Sometimes it's the "hard knocks" or "independent living" outside that helps him to be a responsible person. If Army didn't help, loving alone will.