My boyfriend is a heavy smoker, and he smokes a pack a day. How do I convince him that there's no benefits to it, and he can better spend the money elsewhere? - Seedly
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Anonymous

Asked on 24 Dec 2018

My boyfriend is a heavy smoker, and he smokes a pack a day. How do I convince him that there's no benefits to it, and he can better spend the money elsewhere?

I've already tried using the "how much you can save if you were not smoking" method, but it didn't work. Or should I just accept it as it is?

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HC Tang
HC Tang, Financial Enthusiast, Budgeting at The Society
Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 24 Dec 2018

Most of my bro who smoke smokes 1 pack a day at least. Their GF also ask them to quit or reduce but they ain't listening. Those who don't quit had a character of avoiding or running away from serious topic or things they don't like to deal with. So it's not a logic or sense that we could talk them into or out of it.

I suppose it really depends on you if you wanna stay with him, know that this character traits stays until he is more mature or faces something dire then only willing to change. Otherwise he could be like this forever since nothing really make him determine enough to wanna quit smoking.

if you do wanna stay with him , then find one day very seriously discuss future with him.

Know that it's very hard to quit smoke for heavy smoker. Share that you will be there together with him and help him quit step by step every step of the way.

Remember , being angry or scolding or nagging only chase a guy to escape from reality and lie. Only true love, acceptance and support allow him to felt safe to reveal his trueself to you and willing to appreciate, go thru life's thunderstorms, thick and thins and stay together.

All the best to you guys 😊

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👍 3
Rave Ong Ci De
Rave Ong Ci De
Level 6. Master
Answered on 24 Dec 2018

It is good that you are mature enough to think about the financial aspects of the relationship, but remember, there is no perfect man/woman.

find out why he smokes. Is it because of work, stress, habit, etc etc. Also, see if he can find a substitute.

Remember, men and women are programmed differently.

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Phoebeta Tauri
Phoebeta Tauri
Level 4. Prodigy
Answered on 24 Dec 2018

Take this time to really consider if your boyfriend is someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You should not even think of accepting his habit. If he places you in priority and definitely knows that smoking is harmful to the people around him especially you deemed as his loved one, he will try to kick his habit. This kind of prove that he doesn't love you enough. I'm sorry for the direct way of saying this matter but I have gone through one narcissistic relationship and current real love relationship to tell you this.

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Daniel Ling
Daniel Ling
Level 5. Genius
Answered on 24 Dec 2018

Throw his PS4 out the window or something similar.

Then say. That's on you for smoking and throwing away money on top of life and health and future baby.

Do it tactfully.

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MT2020
MT2020
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 28 Feb 2020

You should calculate the amount of money he could have and show him the figures. By showing the figures, it will hit him harder than just telling him.

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Sharon
Sharon
Top Contributor

Top Contributor (Jul)

Level 6. Master
Answered on 28 Feb 2020

I have heard of guys quitting smoking before and all the times, it's because of paternal love toward their children or grandchildren.

They don't want their young to breathe in their second- or third-hand smoke, which is very bad (imagine air pollution every day in the house), so they made the decision to quit. Only love can move mountain.

When they quit smoking, their life span is longer, which means they also get to be their loved ones longer. Good health is responsibility to oneself and to own's family.

Other times when people quit is due to either poverty or extreme poor health.

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Frankie Rappaport
Frankie Rappaport
Top Contributor

Top Contributor (Jul)

Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 27 Feb 2020

This is a very, very difficult situation, particularly when he started early.

Some 'drugs' are used somehow as a self-treatment of sorts, so besides an already established dependency on nicotine there could be circumstances that support his continued smoking, like stress at his workplace or social stress.

Also, if he often meets other smokers or lives near to other smokers it is almost impossible to quit because the location (f.ex. own balcony, workplace) where one smoked is a strong unconcious stimulus to smoke again.

Also if other people 'preach' on quitting permanently this could evoke feelings of guilt with him and be counterproductive. Difficult. Maybe both of you visit with a professional stop smoking advisor.

Our rational brain tells us that it is a bad habit, however our deep brain emotional 'animal spirits' often are stronger. We maybe all have a habit we would like to quit, true?

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Eunice Yip
Eunice Yip
Level 4. Prodigy
Answered on 18 Dec 2019

Don't give up easily!

Especially when it is something that does not benefit your loved one.

Maybe you can change a different approach, different from the financial point of view.

Share with him the adverse effects of smoking in the long term. If he has a hobby he loves or loved ones, imagine how smoking will cause him not to be able to do what he like or spend time and energy with his loved ones.

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Michelle Ho
Michelle Ho
Level 4. Prodigy
Answered on 05 Dec 2019

Just let him know that you don't like him to smoke. Or you don't like smokers. And leave it as that.

Smokers will only stop smoke when they decide to stop. No amount of advices given will help them. In the end, it will sound like nagging.

Also, decide at this point if you are able to tolerate the smoking for the rest of your life.

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AY
Amanda Yong
Level 2. Rookie
Answered on 03 Dec 2019

I feel the way to approach this situation is not from the money/cost savings that one may derive from cessation of smoking. A better angle would be to approach in terms of potential health risks with smoking. Smoking puts not just himself at a risk of lung cancer but also his loved ones at risk (from second hand smoking). Suggest to seek professional help with smoking cessation.

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Wilson Nid A Break
Wilson Nid A Break
Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 03 Dec 2019

Ask him to invest in cigarette stocks instead, Altria (MO) & Phillips Morris (PM)

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Samantha Chan
Samantha Chan
Level 3. Wonderkid
Answered on 24 Dec 2018

Nothing much you could do. Does you guys intend to get married soon? If yes, may be a slight chance. Prepare for healthy body for healthy baby. Saving money is next good reason. 😉💵

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