As the Chinese saying goes 谈钱伤感情 (discussing money can hurt relationships).
But not having conversations about money with someone you are dating is a recipe for disaster.
Imagine this.
You have been seeing someone for months, and you really like them. You are even considering taking the next step in your relationship.
Everything seems to be going well until you discover that your date only dines at cafes while you are a two meat, one vegetable cai fan (economical rice) kinda person.
You might see some humour in this example, but it doesn’t seem so funny if you’ve invested your time, effort and money into this relationship only to discover this fundamental financial incompatibility.
Is there a better way to do things?
Read on to find out!
Why Personal Finance and Dating?
As the name suggests, personal finance can be deeply personal. Sure, there are some objectively bad personal finance habits, like living paycheck to paycheck, you should not adopt. Howe there are other things that are subjective. For some who value independence and optionality, attaining FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) and living frugally to get there is everything. But there are others who want to continue working and enjoying the finer things in life. This is a difference in mindset and financial goals and habits that are difficult to reconcile.
This applies to dating as well.
Finding a life partner is all about finding someone whose values align with yours, as conflicting values can cause friction and cause relationships to fall apart.
Statistics from the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) indicate that divorce rates in Singapore are increasing, particularly for couples who have been wed for 5 to 10 years.
Singaporeans were questioned about the probable reasons for this upward trend, and financial matters and changes in socio-economic conditions emerged as the most likely causes: 22 per cent of respondents pointed out that women’s financial independence now grants them more alternatives, while 21 per cent stated that monetary problems continue to be a source of conflict for many couples.
Thus, it would be ideal to find a partner whose financial values align with yours for a relationship that lasts.
If you are looking for a relationship like this, you might be interested in what this company has to offer.
How Stead
Enter Stead, a new Singapore-based startup that reached out to us to promote its new dating app, which is still in beta.
Why Stead? Well, the founders wanted to harken back to a time when dating was simpler, and people got together after the guy said ai stead mai? (Want to be my girlfriend?).
The founders believe a successful relationship is built on a stable foundation where both sides’ financial values are aligned.
On top of the usual filters like age, height, and religion, Stead will have all its users take a comprehensive financial quiz and match people based on their financial goals and habits.
Some of the questions include:
- Would you like to live in an HDB flat or private property in the future?
- How many holidays do you take a year?
- Should the guy pay for the first date, or should both go dutch?
- Do you want a car, or are you okay with taking public transport and taxis & private hire vehicles?.
- What is the average amount you spend on a meal
Ultimately the company wants to spark richer connections between people and help people find love that works.
Awkward Finance Conversations While Dating
Stead also shared with us some of the stories and paint points that some of their users shared with them when they were conducting their Development and Pre-Launch Phase user research.
‘I was going on dates with this lady I met on a dating app. The chemistry we had was electric. We could talk about everything and anything. We also had similar values, like family as our top same religion, outlook on life and all. But, after going out for months, we ended the relationship due to an incompatibility in our financial values and mindset. Wish there was a better way to filter for this.’
~Ian
I met this guy on a dating app recently. The dates were going well. He was charming and such a gentleman. But, as we went on more dates, I discovered certain things about how he handled his money. Sadly, he was living paycheck to paycheck and throwing his money into speculative investments like meme stocks, Cryptocurrency etc. As much as I liked him, I could not see a future with him as he did not seem to plan financially for the future.
~Joanna
My most recent relationship ended within 4 months, not because of the fact that he earns much lesser than me but because we have different expectations when it comes to dates. In the beginning, we would always go to restaurants and cafes. While I prefer going to hawker centres during lunch on work days, I personally enjoy having fancier dinners because I feel like ‘I’ve earned it’ to treat myself to nice meals after a long working day, so I’ve always initiated splitting the bill 80-20 since I’m the one who preferred these places, and he didn’t raise his objections to this idea at all. Whenever it was his turn to decide, he would always persuade me to go to hawker centres because he didn’t feel comfortable eating at atas places. Since there is a clear difference in how we hang out, I’ve decided to end things.
~Xinyi
I was seeing a guy recently, and with marriage in mind, we talked about our dream home. He’s a condo guy, and I’m a typical HDB girl and guess what? He only wants to live in a condo because of the privacy and convenience it offers. I knew for sure I couldn’t afford a condo for now, but he was pressurising me to think about it and even talked about helping me to refinance so that we could live in one. With that much pressure and him not willing to compromise, we ended things there.
~Gladys
Concerns About Stead
As interesting as the app sounds, I have my concerns.
Although dating apps have helped people find love, there are some potential downsides of a dating app based on personal finance that I can think of.
By selecting for these personal finance habits and goals, you might fixate on a certain preference even though it may not be vital in the long term. This may eliminate a whole pool of potentially viable partners for you to consider.
Also, there will be an inevitable disconnect between how people respond to these quizzes and how they are in reality. Expectations vs reality, so to speak.
Not to mention that although dating apps can help people with their loneliness, some personal problems like aggressive behaviour, a loss of self-confidence and a fear of intimacy might develop from using these apps too.
Adding personal finance to the mix would only complicate things.
Nonetheless, I’ll be interested to see how this app turns out as a new option and alternatives to the incumbent is welcome as the current dating apps are not perfect.
Conclusion
If you are keen on signing up for Stead, the company is offering the first 500 Seedly users exclusive access to the app.
You will simply just have to provide your email address to sign up.
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Happy April Fool’s Day!
If you noticed, today is 1 April 2023 or April Fool’s Day.
Sadly Stead doesn’t exist.
If you zoom into Stead’s logo, you would have realised that we modified it from the existing Seedly logo:
And as we mentioned above, by selecting for these personal finance habits and goals, you might fixate on a certain preference even though it may not be vital in the long term. This may eliminate a whole pool of potentially viable partners for you to consider.
So for those looking for a dating app, sorry to disappoint.
Also, we would like to humbly request that you do not spoil the fun for others by posting comments that this article is an April Fools joke.
But all is not lost.
Why not take yourself on a money date and sort out your finances with the Seedly Money Framework!
