Asked by Anonymous
Asked on 20 Aug 2018
Asking here because I need to budget in 2 people’s expenses instead of 1, if I’m expected to pay all the time
On first date, I will offer to split bill. If the guy insisted, I will let him pay. If we do go for coffee/ dinner on same day, then I will foot the next bill. For subsequent dates, I will alternate sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay. I pride myself to be an independent woman and to be treated as an equal. Why should I expect him to pay for everything. Of course the situation is different if he invited me to high class place, he should pay especially if I am fine with hawker centre or mid price place. If I invite him to high class place, then I should pay too. Basically if you want to develop long term relationship, both parties must give and take.
all in all, even if the lady decides to makan you, if you like her, just let her bite. =p
Top Contributor (Jun)
Singapore norm or most girl (not all) expect first date to be paid by the guy.
2nd date onwards can take turns.
I know some girls who feedback don't mind go dutch even on first date, so maybe you can find related quiz of the same questions and do it as fun with her to find out her preference before the 1st date, that will be the safest move :)
I always thought it should be whoever invited for the date should pay for it.
Going forward, if things are going well, each party will naturally want to spend time with the other and the taking turns inviting/planning for a date should happen naturally. Then payment for the date will be taking turns as well.
I think you can offer to pay for her first date but subsequently you guys should split the cost, or take turns paying for meals.
If I was a guy, and the girl asked me to pay all the time, I would definitely think twice about the relationship. Not because I don't have the means to, but if her philosophy is that the guy should always pay, think about what happens after marriage.
Likewise, as a girl, I always look to split it evenly. Or if he pays for a meal now, then I would offer to pay for the next meal.
pffft. so complicated.
Done. Next date secured.
Either she jio you out, now you got 2nd date.
Or she gets busy, and now you've an excuse to cheekily request for a 2nd date.
At the next date, pay again, repeat steps till girlfriend status is achieved. =D
Top Contributor (Jun)
first date I think better to share share ba....
Paying for dates shouldnt sound like an obligation.
I cannot say for the rest but most of my friends (Female or Male) would prefer and are able to go Dutch on the first date. As a matter of courtesy, even if a guy/girl were to offer to pay for both, it would be good if the other party also offers to pay for his/her own share.
If your dates always expects you to pay all of the time, perhaps its time to re-consider this relationship. I always believe that relationships are a 2-way thing, and not just purely one-sided. Having said so, if one party consistently eats at places that are high SES, its really not easy for the other party to keep going on dutch either.
Always make sure that dating expenses are within your means (=
it doesn’t matter if you pay or not. But if the girl somehow has the expectation that you should pay for the date then it’s a red flag then...because even on the matter of constantly buying her gifts as well, the REAL question is whether you can sustain this lifestyle or not..
The one who invites should pay. If you're the one inviting all the time, you need to consider if you're fine with a relationship where you're not really Mr Right but Mr Right now since I have no better choice?
It really depends.
If the argument is about "independent woman who can take care of herself" then,
I think the guy should always err on the side of chivalry. Go all the way, pick her up from her house, pay for her meal, send her home, etc.
If she wants to show that she cares as much, then she can pick me up, she can date me. I'm totally fine with that. If she offers to pay for just her meal, that's fine too.
But if when I pay she asks me "why you think I can't handle myself?", then I'll smile and wave goodbye.
If the question is when am I paying too much, then I'll probably let it get to the 3rd date before I say anything about it. If she doesn't want to pay, or deosn't offer, or doesn't look willing to pay, then I won't continue seeing her.
The reason is simple: if she doesn't respect the fact that I'm paying for her now, she'll never respect it in the future. Anything you spend on her becomes obligation, and that's a very tiring way to start a relationship/even friendship.
I am on the slightly traditional side where I feel that as a guy, you should be paying for dates at the beginning.
Subsequently, from the 3rd or 4th dates onwards, ask her if she mind going dutch or she foot the bill this time. Her response will tell you a lot about her and how does she view the relationship going forward. Paying for bill is not a deal breaker for relationship but it is some sort of a checkpoint for the relationship going forward I feel.
Honestly, I would suggest taking turns paying for dates for a start. Best to do stuff like sports, nature treks, cycling etc instead of hanging out at malls where the temptation to spend is high. Benefit from getting exercise and getting to know each other in a less stressful environment. Of course still splurge on nice restaurants or concerts from time to time. Best of luck
I believe in equality. You can pay for the first date, but subsequently you should not be expected to pay for dates. Except on occassions.