How did you balance parents' wedding expectations to have your own budget wedding? - Seedly
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SG Budget Babe

Cherie Julianne Tan

Asked on 14 Aug 2018

How did you balance parents' wedding expectations to have your own budget wedding?

And also one scenario: Our parents might have some relatives that they would like to invite to your wedding but you might not have seen them more than 3/4 of the time growing up. How would you manage a situation like this?

p/s: Asking for a friend, seriously haha

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Choon Yuan Chan
Choon Yuan Chan
Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 24 Dec 2019

Talk to your parents tell them your expectations. Truthfully if you tell then people will know what you are looking at and then they will try to keep you in the middle.

Communication is always key for both parties to know their interest and this reaps mutual benefit

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Dawn Fiona
Dawn Fiona
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 14 Aug 2018

Talk to your parents, set limits, and try to reach a compromise.

I put my foot down on my parents inviting their colleagues - to me, the priority for guests was first direct family (no distant cousins whom I've not seen or hardly see, please), then friends and our colleagues, followed by my parents friends, then their colleagues.

Some try the route of making their parents pay, but I don't think that's very nice la cos our parents don't earn a lot, so we didn't impose that. To each their own.

We allocated a limited number per category outside of direct family. So if my parents wanted to invite more people, sure, but only if we have enough seats left.

As it turned out, there was enough to go around for everyone in the end cos we opted for a caterer instead of a hotel banquet :)

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Junus Eu
Junus Eu
Level 9. God of Wisdom
Answered on 05 Dec 2019

It seems that this happens most of the time!

In my opinion especially for SG weddings, the wedding is really more for the parents.

It also depends on who is paying for the wedding. If it's the parents, then I would say to go along with their wishes.

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ūüĎć 1
VC
Vicki Chng
Level 6. Master
Answered on 24 Dec 2019

My wedding was just over so I can honestly say I livedby the mantra - some things are not worth fighting over. If it's something you can comprise on, just do it because at the end of the day, they're also proud and happy parents and they share your joy as well. If it's something you have very strong ideas about, sit down with your parents, talk about it and come to a compromise.

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Yukee Ong
Yukee Ong
Level 2. Rookie
Answered on 06 Dec 2019

I always receive this question from the couple I met. I would always suggest to have a dual wedding celebration. One for family (Something very affordable and simple; require less effort) another one for self (Something more personalise, do it the way I want mentality when come to organising it) At the end of the day it's not how grand things are but how much it means to you.

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ūüĎć 0

Be firm.

Show them your cashflow statement and planning for the future, e.g. house, family planning. Let them understand whether it is financially feasible to increase the size to their expectation.

Here is a guide to help you: https://www.blog.pzl.sg/understanding-your-personal-cash-flow/

At the end of the day, I believe all parents love their child and will not wish to handicap them financially over face.

Here is everything about me and what I do best.

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Yanisa Koh
Yanisa Koh
Level 6. Master
Answered on 05 Dec 2019

If you're the ones paying for the wedding, nicely tell your parents that you have a limited budget and are not able to accommodate so many people. Sometimes, it feels like our weddings are more like our parents' events rather than our own.

I started out my wedding planning thinking that I don't want anyone that I've never seen before or am not familiar with. However, I thought further about it and realised that this day is also one of our parents' proudest and happiest days. If they wish to share their joy with their friends and family, I would want to fulfil that wish for them. BUT at the same time, because of limited budget and space, I had a discussion with them to tell them the maximum number of people we could cater for on each side, and let them make their own selections.

In the end, your parents love you and want the best for you. (Or your friend's parents love your friend haha) I'm sure they wouldn't want their kids to be broke from hosting a wedding.

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Hwee Kian
Hwee Kian
Level 7. Grand Master
Answered on 05 Dec 2019

Hi Cherie,

My suggestion is for your friend to go and confirm the hotel ballroom first with their other half, based on initial ballpark assumption.

Then inform the parents and tell them how many tables you can afford to invite for relatives and their friends, like that it will help to limit damage control and it's quite an effective way also. :)

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