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Anonymous

Posted 4w ago

Are you alright with your girlfriend or wife earning more?

I'm a female and I'm curious whether men are truly alright with it, or would feel stressed in such situations? Since roles are becoming more fluid these days as well.

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39 answers

Discussion (39)

Hey Anon,

Not directly answering the question, but wanna chime in here too to share a female perspective!

Traditional gender roles portray males to be the main breadwinner of a family and females to stay at home to ensure that everything at home is run smoothly. As we continue to fight the workplace gender gap, the mindset of BOTH males and females need to change!

As Andy has shared, "males need to less insecure about themselves and not peg their self-worth to how much money they're earning for the family".

On the flipside, women also need to be okay with this change! Casual jokes of "marrying into a rich family and becoming a 'tai tai' to enjoy life" might also perpetuate the existing traditional mindsets on both genders as well. In a relationship where the female earn more, it might be possible that the female feels insecure or think that their partner is 'less driven' which might stress out their partner as well.

As Singapore and the rest of the world move towards championing gender equality and as gender roles become more fluid, both male and females play an important role in these changes!

As Andy has mentioned, both males and females can contribute to a family unit in different ways and they are NOT constrained by our gender. And as Shaun has said, communication is key to ensure that your goals are aligned to help each other to grow!

Cheers to BOTH GENDERS BEING OKAY with whether the male or female earns more or whether the male or female stays at home to look after the rest of the family! :)​​​

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1 more comments

Nigel

Nigel

2w ago

As long as you do not peg each other's self worth or professional worth to how much $ you earn, then this should solve the issue here Besides, the character and values of your spouse is more important than the pay check, ain't it?

Rachelle

Rachelle

2w ago

Yeah cheers to that!

Post

Times are changing but don't expect the mentality of all people you meet to catch up. Your mileage may vary. I've seen some couples where the woman earns more while taking care of the children. The man just goes on earning his keep as usual, and everything is well. Then there are couples where the the woman is earning way more while taking care of the children, but is resentful towards the husband who doesn't earn as much, despite his best efforts (or even lack of). If the husband is a deadbeat or a loser, needless to say the wife will be resentful. Sadly, many of these men will become suspicious that their wives will cheat on them or plot to get out of the marriage and take the children away. This is obviously their character defect, and is probably not the woman's fault.

Yet, there are also men who are working difficult day jobs, moonlighting after hours, trying their best to take care of the kids, but their wives can never be satisfied and are still nagging at them non-stop! How much can a man take before he is driven to the edge of the cliff? Another tragic scenario is when the husband suddenly loses his occupation or ability to provide, and the wife gets fed up and leaves. So much for richer or poorer, eh?

The problem is not with the institution of marriage, but with our personal expectations and aspirations. It is important is you discuss this with your current/future partner, and align your expectations with theirs, and vice versa. Please don't expect your prospective partner to change their mind before marriage: it's not likely to happen. Better to endure a short heartbreak than a long acrimonious divorce. Please, think of the children!

Most of us are usually competent in managing career and money, but once we enter a long term relationship, these decisions no longer become a personal issue but a family one. It used to be that the husband and wife have to carry each other's burden when one starts to falter. But we have become very individualistic and unsympathetic. Another modern problem is that we have little perserverance in difficult situations and we do not know how take time to fix things. A relationship has to be built on rejoicing in the other's success and sorrow when they fail. That's what it really means to have two hearts become one. (No, it is not just the lyrics of sappy love songs.) I would even say the same applies to couple goals. It's great if there is overlap. What could be better than working towards the same dream together?

It could be totally coincidental, but whether blue-collar, white-collar or professional class, it seems that if the couple is from the same class, their expectations and life goals tend to align. So if you are still choosing a partner, choose wisely. If you already have a partner, do have a frank discussion with them. All the best!​​​

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Post

Politically answers aside, yes. Completely okay with my female partner earning more than me. Absolut...

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