Goh Ah Mao
30 upvotes received
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  • Asked by Anonymous

    Goh Ah Mao
    Goh Ah Mao
    4 Answers, 30 Upvotes
    Answered 3w ago
    hi there, not sure if this will help but perhaps some questions on the following would help make a decision: 1. why do you want to have a child? is it just societal pressure, some expectations, or is it something you truly want in life? a lot of us have children coz its something society expects, but we don't realise the trade offs and the sacrifices that comes along with having a child, especially for women. you sound like you really enjoy your work, which is great! but a child will throw a spanner on that... so perhaps re-examine the reasons why you would want to have a child, and that would give you a better answer. 2. what will be the bigger regret? having a child now and having your career derailed, or not having a child until later and risking not having one at all, but having a bigger success at work? of course you can have your cake and eat it (some other people have suggested talking to your manager etc) but these questions help you examine your true feelings on things. 3. other people's expectations of you. Whether we like it or not, our husbands, in laws and immediate families have some expectations of women to have kids etc. and this will impact thier relationships with us. So take this into consideration as well. Once you have decided, then i think you can use the tools given by other contributors to talk things through with either 1) your manager (or not - we al know the impact of having such conversations), or look for another company (or not) OR talk things with 2) your hubby or loved ones. I am sure once you decided, you would know how to navigate these communications =) All the best!
  • Asked by Anonymous

    Goh Ah Mao
    Goh Ah Mao
    4 Answers, 30 Upvotes
    Answered on 22 Oct 2018
    This is tough! It takes a lot of people (on the same wavelenght to raise kids). Some tips, not sure if it will hlep: 1. Think long term - some parents try to feed the child or do everything for the child as it is faster and easier that way. BUT the downside is the child doesn't learn how to do things independently so the parents have to help even longer. So let your child try to be independent faster - teach the child to eat by themselves, clean up own mess, pack up own toys. Difficult at beginning but worth it at the end of the day. 2. Mess. Lower your standards on a messy house. If its low, lower it more. Anohter way to prevent mess and clutter is to have less. Don't buy unnecessary toys/ clothes / books 3. Meals. Schedule everything. Learn to do one pot meals or just order tingkat. Easier and less headache. No mess to wash up after that too. Or forget asian food, western food like pasta, sandwich, salads are WAY WAY easier to prepare wiht lesser things to wash. 4. Appliances. If can afford, buy a dryer, washing machine, dishwasher, pressure cooker, slow cooker, robotic vaccum cleaner - these really help cut down on time for chores. 5. get village on board on days when kids fall sick. Although parents do't live near by, make sure you have some emergecy protocol when kids fall sick. Make sure your parents / in laws are willing to step up when they fall sick and have to be picked up early from child care etc. 6. Don't get suckered into unnecessary classes. Its easy to fall into the parent guilt and sign up for a lot of classes. Classes means schedules means time spend in ferrying kids around. Try not to do that until kids are bigger if you don't have the time and energy to commit. If you are able to juggle shift work and still do it, great! otherwise, don't bother. You will end up more stressed and irratiable. Which is worse for kids than ever. 7. Don't sweat the small stuff. Kids refuse to wear the wonderful clothes your mum bought? don't bother. kids don't want to wear his shirt? htat's fine. kid just ate some dirt off the floor? that's ok as long as he doesn't fal too sick. Choose your battles wisely. Waht's more important? Respecting elders? Sure, then fight wiht your kids only when they are disrepsectful. Don't nitpick on everything they do - its not going to be teh end of the world if they wear the same old shirts again and again. but if its a big deal, then do it. but be prepared. always think long term. Don't give up halfway in a battle if you choose to fight it, kids have more enrgey and time than you! =)
  • Asked by Anonymous

    Goh Ah Mao
    Goh Ah Mao
    4 Answers, 30 Upvotes
    Answered on 05 Oct 2018
    A few questions / comments to help you make your decision: 1. work. How are your current hours like? Any possibility of going part time? What are future prospects like in your company and in your industry. This will help you decide if you should (I) look for a new company or stay and ask for better working hours (II) stop work and go into a different industry 2. Caregivers. Are you able to change the caregivers to childcare, helpers or another set of relatives who may be more aligned with your discipline style? Are you able to change the minds of these existing caregivers through research, education? Can you find propose activities for the kids to do while being minded so as to cut down on bad behaviour when being looked after? What is your ideal parenting situation? Are you able to see yourself as a SAhM? 3. Savings / investments. You have 3-5 years of savings. Where are you right now in terms of ability to invest? Are you able to stretch to more than 3-5 years? 4. husband’s career. What is his career like? Able to increase pay or is already stagnant? Is his temperament suited to be sole breadwinner? 5. what if? What if you do stay at home? Are you able to cope with cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids? What are your expectations of your husnand when he comes home from work? does he need to help you After he comes home? How much discretionary expenses can you cut away if you do decide to stay at home.
  • Asked by Anonymous

    Goh Ah Mao
    Goh Ah Mao
    4 Answers, 30 Upvotes
    Answered on 01 Oct 2018
    There are existing shelters run by MSF for women (abused by spouse and employers) in such situations. they have programs for volunteers if you wish to help. Do call up and ask.

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