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Anonymous

06 Jun 2021

Random

Wife want stop work but I wont let her. Am I unreasonable?

Currently expecting no.2 and wife want quit job to raise kids. Am a mechanical engineer (diploma) and she is a medical doctor. We make about 250k a year with 180k coming from my wife. I just don’t see how it’s possible for her to stay home. I dont earn enough and the yearly expense close to 150k.

Discussion (1)

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Now, I'm not a relationship counsellor or guru but imma give my 2c anyways since you asked.

I think from a purely financial standpoint, your wife stopping work would not be very logical.

However, relationships, should of course never be assessed purely on a financial standpoint.

Have you asked her the reason for stopping work? Is it just to take care of the child? Could she be feeling burnt out from work (considering she is a doctor and we are in a pandemic)? Or could she fear that there might be a risk of her bringing back the virus?

Moreover, going back to the financials, I guess the both of you will need to assess your financial position: how much do you have saved up, any large purchases upcoming, any other assets that could possibly be liquidated to meet this new lifestyle that you might be leading. Also, well, I've not raised any children so I'm not sure if it's possible, but 150k does sound pretty high. If you are able to cut back a bit, that would definitely help in this situation as well.

And I guess if the she wants someone to take care of the children, perhaps the both of you might consider her staying in her job and you leaving yours instead. This would also cause a less drastic fall in household income.

So I guess 3 options are possible now, which are:

  1. She stops work and the both of you will gather up some cash from your assets and savings together to facilitate this new lifestyle for the early part of your new child's life, say, maybe 1 year, before she returns to work. In the meantime, you continue to work to bridge the expenses.

  2. She doesn't stop work, but you do to take care of the children. This reduces the financial impact and at the same time ensures that 1 parent is home to care for the child.

  3. Neither of you stop work and well, you'll likely have to get a nanny/domestic helper/either of your parents to care for the child. However, this is the solution that would probably make your wife the least happy.

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