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Important conversations to have as a couple before marriage
Recently, I realised that not every couple, work out their finances together even 1-2 years before marriage! So just wanna share my thoughts briefly on the key conversations to have before marriage, and would appreciate if you guys chip in on this too. Thinking of compiling and writing an Opinion about this later on!
- Align on Your Ideal Lifestyle
The very first conversation, be it casual or formal, is to set expectations on what kind of married life you guys want to lead!
What kind of house do you want to stay in?
Do you want to own a car? or two?
Do you want to spend "luxuriously" ie own the latest TV and fridge, or you guys can make do with a full set of furniture from IKEA?
Discuss about how much $$ you need
Once you guys reach an understanding of the expected lifestyle, now it's time to be pragmatic and figure out how much do you need, and how many more years does it take to reach there, with your current income.Set career goals
This is something that might be quite rare for couples, but my boyfriend and I had a conversation about how much monthly income we want to earn in X years, to be able to afford our ideal lifestyle in point 1. We then helped each other map out our career path, and what we need to get there.
Would love to hear what are the conversations you had with your partner pre marriage, and why they are important!
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Charmaine
22 May 2021
Diploma in Accounting at Kaplan Higher Education Institute
Personally, I feel that the most important thing is to ask that might make or break a couple is whether or not you want to have kids - do not go into a marriage expecting the one who doesn't want to have kids to change their minds eventually and vice versa.
Other important things might be:
How to manage your finances together as a couple
Where you guys will be living or plan to live together (some people find this a really touchy topic)
Bucket list of things you wanted to do before you got together and how that changes after marriage
How you will handle fights
Maybe your religion and personal values
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I did a marriage course with my fiancee which I thought was very insightful. Here are some of the conversations we had.
Communication
What are our personalities like?
What is our family background like?
How do the two affect the way we communicate with each other and how to reconcile this.
Conflict
How do we typically handle conflicts? If the way we handle conflicts is different, how can we reconcile this difference to communicate better during a conflict?
What are our differences in our beliefs/opinions and how can these potentially result in conflicts? E.g. How we handle our finances, thoughts on certain issues, etc.
Commitment
Connection
How can we stay connected over the course of the marriage? What are the activities we can do on a regular basis?
What are our love languages?
The course itself was more in-depth but these were some of the broad questions we dealt with.