3 Ways Fatherhood Changed My Relationship With Money

Sometimes, I come across questions on the Seedly forums, in which the users reveal their apprehension about starting a family because of the high costs involved. No doubt, parenting is a huge financial undertaking, but after becoming a father, I have learnt that my relationship with money isn’t static and evolves dynamically. Being a father is indeed a life-changing event that entirely revolutionised my relationship with money. Here are three ways how I think differently about money these days.

1) Fatherhood Ennobles My Work

This was a change that I didn’t expect, given that fatherhood and teaching (I work in the educational industry) are two separate spheres of my life. But surprisingly, fatherhood impacted the way I felt about my job.

My salary needs to be used now to raise another human being! My work is important, not just as an avenue to fulfill my self-actualisation needs, but also as an indispensable tool to settle the bread-and-butter issues of life.

This is not to say that I now go to work every day with a spring in my step - Monday blues still assault my consciousness mercilessly - but having a cute baby who is waiting for me to bring home the bacon had an effect of letting all my petty grievances about work slide off my shoulders like water off ducks. For one, certain things that I have never really appreciated about my job before now become things that keep me grateful and grounded. My workplace is near my house, so I can send my baby to the childcare centre before sauntering off for work!

In a nutshell, now that I need to stretch every dollar more, I find myself griping less and taking action more.

2) Fatherhood Made Me Interested In Money

According to some financial gurus, there are five money personalities, namely Saver, Spender, Risk Taker, Security Seeker and Flyer (https://themoneycouple.com/5-money-personalities/). Everyone has a primary money personality and another secondary money personality. After coming across this concept, I figured out that prior to fatherhood, I would identify myself as a Risk Taker (primary) and Saver (secondary). This meant that because I considered myself a natural saver, I was more obsessed with gaining quirky, novel and exciting experiences than with growing money. But even though (or perhaps because) I was a saver, I didn't care about knowing intimately the nuts and bolts of my financial life. I was satisfied with just having a general sense of my cashflow. I did not have any inkling of my net worth (gasp).

All this dramatically changed after I became a father. For instance, I was super resistant to using mobile banking because I was fixated with the notion of "if it isn't broke, why fix it?" Yes, I would still go to the ATM machine to transfer money to my friends. But just after my son was born, I went to download the banking and finance-related apps that were available out there and actually set out to document my net worth. How could I raise my son in the best possible way with the financial assets I possessed?

Suffice it to say that such a change would have been inconceivable when viewed from the lens of the free-spirited, wanderlust-er me before fatherhood.

Another example would be how I joined Seedly under my friend's coaxing. You can read this post https://diaperfinancingfund.blogspot.com/2021/01/literary-parenting-how-i-became.html to learn how two free cups of bubble tea offered by Seedly entrenched my budding interest in money! Since I am now posting my first Opinion piece here, I guess you can safely say that the rest is history.

3) Fatherhood Made Me Want To Be Rich

Not only did I gain an interest in money, but I also wanted to conquer money and become rich. I think what precipitated this change was the fact that I work as a teacher and know the importance of inculcating in my son good habits. But if I don't know much about investing myself, how do I guide him to determine his risk appetite, control his impulses and navigate the wide array of financial classes out there? I got to be his positive role model.

2020 was the year I ventured into investing with robo-advisors and topping up my CPF SA and RA accounts. All this preoccupation about making more money climaxed into a crescendo in December 2020, with all the pieces coming into place. Since I love writing, why not blog about my parenthood journey as I try to inculcate in my son financial literacy?

So 2021 will be the year I post about my musings and meditations about money parenting religiously. Hopefully, my blog will be approved by Google Adsense so that it will generate for me a second source of income. Yes, I know that blogging pays peanuts, but hey, a guy has got to start somewhere, right?

Closing Thoughts

To people out there who are holding back from being parents because of the money factor, I say fret not. Your child is a blessing that will shake irrevocably your relationship with money. You will learn to care and source for money in innovative ways. Good luck and have fun!