facebookI found out that my husband is having an affair. However, he is also the only one earning in our family. If I file for a divorce, does it mean I will have to provide for my 2 children alone? - Seedly

Anonymous

09 Mar 2020

Couple Finance

I found out that my husband is having an affair. However, he is also the only one earning in our family. If I file for a divorce, does it mean I will have to provide for my 2 children alone?

Feeling very lost here, I only have a diploma, so I'm not sure I can support both my kids if I file for a divorce. What should I do?

Discussion (24)

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Hi, i am going through a divorce proceeding as well for his infidelity for 7 years (dated photos) and non-contribution to the household, kids and HDB loan (receipts and bank statements) and my 3 kids age 14,12 and 7. I had a PPO filed against him in 2013 as well for physical abuse when i asked him about his affair, we went through family counselling for 6 months. and 1.5 years later, affairs surfaced again and i said to myself : enough is enough,

My situation is slightly different. I hold a full time job.

I would like to share with you my findings and what you can do in this period of time. Yes its painful to know about his infidelity and still pretend nothing happened while doing background checks. But do know that the findings you do later will tell you what you plan to do next. I learnt that crying and getting angry does not work.

What i suggest you start doing is start gathering any photos of them, screenshot and save in a thumbdrive, if you can gather information about the woman, mobile, address, emails. That would help you to find out more about the affairs.

Because if you were to question him, 95% of men will not admit and further provocation may turn nasty.

For your case, firstly, find out if you meet the Means Test requirement. https://lab.mlaw.gov.sg/legal-services/taking-t... you qualify for the Legal aid where they will approve applications for legal aid in certain types of cases e.g. uncontested adoption proceedings, simple uncontested divorce proceedings, non-disputed proceedings for grant of letters of administration or probate at very minimum fees.

Most legal firms offers 1st free consultation.

(I went through 3 firms to seek consultation).

Do note that some of their answers are always Maybe (very discouraging).... because they are not paid. So do take it with a pinch of salt and prepare questions to ask.

Sign up for a 3 hour session of MPP - Free - https://www.msf.gov.sg/Divorce-Support/Pages/Ma...

To file for a divorce, you need this certificate of attendance and they do provide information on how you manage your children's understanding of marriage. They also provide you with insights on if divorce is really a route to go on.

Gather all receipts, payments, invoices, bank statements, his NOAs (anything that you have on your kids, yourself and your household). Regardless if he is the one paying them.

Note: When necessary, these self checks above will goes to proving the amount of Child Support you are asking for. Work out the sums on how much is required per month for the house, yourself and children.

Child Support amount are usually split into 50/50. However you are not working and contributed to the household as a main caregiver to your children, you can fight for more based on this term.

As i failed the means test and i sought a private lawyer's assistance for a contested divorce. My initial payment is $1500 for a supposingly uncontested divorce as i assumed... he is never home for the past 5 years (photos of him and another woman shows they had been together for 7 years and he even proposed to her with a $4K diamond ring in 2015)

My Ancillary terms are simple : i get care and control of my kids, i get the current matrimonial flat and in return, i will return his CPF contributed to the house via my CPF OA balance. Which amounts to $70,000 with AI. And asking for $1800 for 3 kids. I did not ask for Wife Alimony.

That got rebutted as he decided that he wants more out of me.. So it becomes a contested divorce. Which i had paid an additional $1000 to prepare for 2 rounds of nego with his lawyer. And if we do not agree on ancillary terms after the 2 rounds, my legal fees will grow to $10K (capped) which i hope it will not get into that phase.

Always remember If divorce is really what you want, do know that you have your family and friends who can help and support you when you need.

You can always work out the financials and kids timing and get a part time job or some welfare support from your neighbourhood family centre.

Here is where you can download and have an idea of the long divorce journey.

https://www.familyjusticecourts.gov.sg/docs/def...

Hope these help you tread carefully.

Take care!

I personally feel that divorce should be the last solution. you should have a good talk with your husband and find out how you can solve the problem. Having a divorce can have negative impact on your kids as well.

You need evidences, either through his phone conversation, or photos, but most important criteria for adultery is you need to prove that they slept together so unless the other girl is pregnant, usually PIs are hired to get the evidences, heard that this can cost 7-10k.

Next is you must ensure he holds a job for at least 6 months. If he has no income, you are on your own. Custody to you is usually not an issue if adultery is proven. Same for reverse situation if wife no income, adultery, husband still pay maintenance. If wife have income, adultery, husband can argue not to pay by saying have to maintain kids.

Finally, make sure you dont drag too long, cos after 6 months, it's deemed consent to adultery. And then if lack of evidence, you may have to go through 3 yr separation first before divorce.

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Jason Sing

07 Jun 2019

School Of Hard Knocks And Life at School Of Hard Knocks And Life

Your husband has to provide maintenance for you and your kids under the Women's Charter since he is the one who has an affair. However, I do hope there is no misunderstanding. It is still better to talk through the matter with your husband before coming to any decision.

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Hi there

I am sorry to hear about your situation. You may want to contact Aware. They have a free l...

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